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Finding the positive in disappointments
This cactus was in our backyard when we moved into our house two years ago. I am sure that it has on many occasions grieved over it’s unfortunate circumstances: Far removed from similar plants, forced to live against a brick wall, and having to adapt to life away from it’s natural surroundings is not what it desires from life. This cactus has sound reasons to be disappointed with it’s fate. Yet, it produces exquisite flowers and seems to be living proof that (even for a cactus) adversity does not have the final word.
Disappointment, frustration, comedown, letdown, failure and many other words can be used to describe a situation when a desired objective is not reached. Yet, disappointment despite being an unwelcome guest does not have to control our lives. Let’s take a more detailed look.
* Personal growth: Nobody is born with complete wisdom. Even the most intelligent people make mistakes and learn through experience when their plans fail. View disappointment not as an end to a bad dream, but rather as an opportunity to understand the reasons for failure and as the foundation to launch another, hopefully more successful bid. “Disappointment” is a hard taskmaster but provides infinitely more opportunities for personal growth than the easy-going “Success.”
* You may be one step closer to success: The famous American inventor Thomas Edison is quoted as having said “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Disappointment should be viewed as a temporary occurrence to be used as a stepping stone en route to eventual success. It took Mr. Edison two years of incessant experiments before he was to file a patent for the first commercially practical electric lamp. It took two more years before the Mahen Theatre in the Czech Republic became the first public building in the world to install Edison’s incandescent lamps.
* Better opportunities may arise: “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” These are the wise words of Alexander Graham Bell, the patent holder of the first practical telephone. It is a completely human reaction to experience resentment when disappointment strikes. A sound strategy is to not dwell on the misfortune for too long, as this may obstruct your view of alternative opportunities for success which may have even more promise than the failed objective.
* Focus on your strengths: Create a space between you, the person, and the act of failure or disappointment. “We’re only human; we’re supposed to make mistakes.” This is quoted from the lyrics of Billy Joel’s song Second Wind. Refrain from overly concentrating on your weaknesses. Try to view your actions objectively and apportion blame where it is due, including to yourself. Do however not allow disappointment to destroy your self confidence and in the process hold you back from ever realising your full potential as a human being. Focus on your resources and strong points as the foundation for success and endeavour to improve your weaknesses.
* Get up one more time: The Japanese proverb Nanakorobi yaoki (Literally meaning “Fall seven times and stand up eight”) comes to mind. Do not allow disappointment to have the last word and keep you knocked down. Once you have stood up and are trying to reach your goals one more time there is always the opportunity for success. This is true no matter how many times you are knocked down – get up one more time and continue to move towards reaching your goals.
It is up to us to decide whether we will follow the example of the cactus and flourish despite the misfortune, or give up and succumb. It is especially when we purposefully try to learn from disappointments that many benefits can be realised.
Read more here:
http://www.bbc.com/capital/story/20170312-yes-you-should-tell-everyone-about-your-failures
https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/t/thomasaed132683.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Edison#Electric_light
https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/alexanderg409116.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Graham_Bell
https://www.billyjoel.com/song/youre-only-human-second-wind-2/
Eight effective, practical and free ways to relieve stress and put a smile back on your face
It is claimed that conditions related to stress are the major cause for visits to doctors’ offices. Stress wreaks its havoc in the body through changes in our hormones which then cause inflammation and several other related health issues. Highly stressful situations for example a severe financial crisis can have a devastating effect on one’s health. Simple, practical and readily available techniques to alleviate high stress levels can be most helpful when tough times are faced. Here are eight such suggestions:
Take deep breaths: Taking deep breaths helps the body to slow down the heart rate and lower the blood pressure. A sense of calm is restored to the “fight or flight” response to perceived danger. Sit or stand up straight, and inhale slowly through your nose. Keep your breath for a short while and feel how your body is becoming relaxed as the oxygen works it’s magic. Slowly exhale through your mouth and repeat for a few times.
Get moving: One of the best ways to lower anxiety is to exercise. There is no need for strenuous activity as simply walking will be sufficient. Exercise encourages the release of endorphin chemicals in the brain, which is a natural pain-killer and mood-lifter. Regular moderate exercise will also improve the quality of sleep – another adverse effect of stressful situations. The myriad of benefits associated with regular exercise are well-documented.
Let the sun work it’s magic: Regular moderate direct exposure to sunlight stimulates the brain to release the hormone serotonin. Serotonin plays a crucial role as a mood-booster and to help a person to stay calm and focused. A moderate exposure to direct sunlight is nature’s feel-good gift to mankind. Exposure to sunlight furthermore releases Nitric Oxide into the blood vessels. This lowers blood pressure, which reduces a major part of the negative effects of stress on the body.
Laugh out loud: A hearty laugh (even when accompanied by a few tears) has been proven to lower cortisol (the body’s stress hormone) and to stimulate the release of the feel-good chemical endorphin. Watch your favourite sitcom, read a funny story, or force yourself to see the humor in your present circumstances – no matter how painful it could be. Laughing will bring more oxygen to your body, will release the tension in your muscles and will improve your immune system.
Talk about your problems: Social interaction with friends may be even more important than taking medicine to improve one’s mood. Just the act of sharing your fears and concerns with another person will relieve tension. Do not shy away from your friends during stressful situations but rather force yourself to seek their companionship. Isolating yourself from family and friends during stressful situations will deprive you of a natural outlet for your tensions: Mankind has always existed in groups. Hint: Warn your friend that you are going through tough times and need a good listener.
Listen to uplifting music: The Bible informs us that King Saul’s dark mood was lifted when David played his lyre. Listening to music is an integral part of every culture. Slow-paced instrumental music, or just listening to your favourite music will help you to relax. You will notice that your heart rate slows down and your blood pressure will drop as you listen to relaxing music.
Make a list: This may be very hard to do depending on your circumstances, but force yourself to make a list of everything to (still) be grateful for. This may be considered very trivial, but consider including easily-overlooked facts such as having your eyesight, able to walk, having friends and family who are concerned about you in the list. Even the adoration of a loving pet when all others have abandoned you is worth including in the list.
Spend time in nature: The importance of green areas in cities to enhance mental well-being has been recognised by urban planners for generations. Whenever you feel emotionally drained try to visit a quiet place where you can be in natural surroundings. Leave your mobile phone and other electronic gadgets at home and just concentrate on enjoying the beauty of nature. Enjoying the sunshine while taking a walk in a park will be of great help to improve your mood.
Seeking professional help and using medicine to relieve anxiety during intensely stressful situations are very important steps to take.
Consider also employing these eight suggestions as part of your plan to relieve stress, and there could be plenty of smiles on your face again.
Read more here:
https://draxe.com/stress-relievers/#mobile-menu
http://www.webmd.com/balance/guide/blissing-out-10-relaxation-techniques-reduce-stress-spot#1
http://www.healthline.com/health/depression/benefits-sunlight#Overview1
https://authoritynutrition.com/16-ways-relieve-stress-anxiety/
http://www.wisebread.com/20-free-or-really-cheap-ways-to-relieve-stress
Never doubt your immense potential for success
“Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. What ultimately matters is the determination to keep going.” This quotation is attributed to the 17th-century Dutch statesman William of Orange (Later King William 111 of England). It was obviously meant as words of encouragement, to conquer temporary setbacks through determined effort.
King William 111 of England. Image in the public domain.
I want to expand on and add another interpretation of the wise words of King William 111. My version encourages those who have encountered setbacks to never give up on their dreams and try to realize their full potential. Here are a few brief pointers to lend more substance to my statement:
* King William 111’s quoted words are true: Have you experienced failure at work? Many highly successful people failed at first (Henry Ford, Milton Hershey, H.J. Heinz) and tried again. Are you physically handicapped? Take a look at the achievements of the amazing Nick Vujicic who was born without legs and arms. Are you feeling depressed and ready to quit? This is completely normal but expertly countered by pres. Ronald Reagan who once said “We are never defeated unless we give up on God.” Never stop believing that you have all that is needed to achieve success and keep your eyes firmly focused on a better future.
* Your immeasurable mental capacity: Everyone who is reading this blog post was at birth gifted the most wonderful organ of all: The human brain. There is nothing more complex than the human brain. It has more than 100 000 000 000 nerve cells each with about 150 000 connections. The neural activity of the brain in a day (total number of connections between nerve cells) would be equal to all seven people billion people on earth each simultaneously making 200 000 phone calls. All scientific, cultural, medical etc. achievements are the result of the ideas and thoughts of humans. Humans are “wired for success.”
* The dreamers are …. already taking the first step: Call it a dream, a vision, an idea or an inspiration: Every man-made object, product or service started as an idea – whether as an original version or even an improvement of an existing version. The Honda motor company has the word “dreams” as part of their official company emblem. Several famous brands carry the name of a founder who dared to dream: William E.Boeing, Walt Disney, Soichiro Honda, Henry Ford, Enzo Ferrari – to name just a few. Dreaming of a better future is taking the first step to realizing your potential and eventually achieving success.
* Then go forth and do it: Having the potential for success and demonstrating the ability to formulate an idea for a successful venture still requires action before a tangible result can be reached. This is a complicated process where the dreamer is often held back by the fear of failure. Belva Davis, the first African-American woman to become a television reporter on the U.S. West Coast, had to face enormous challenges to eventually rise above her circumstances. She once remarked “Don’t be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream it, you can make it so.”
Never doubt your immense potential for success, no matter where your journey through life has taken you.
Further reading:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_III_of_England
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nick_Vujicic
http://www.politicsweb.co.za/opinion/afrikaners-wouldve-had-no-place-in-this-country
Ronald Reagan. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved March 4, 2017, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/r/ronaldreag378406.html
http://www.health24.com/Mental-Health/Brain/Fascinating-brain-facts-20120721
http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/129983-don-t-be-afraid-of-the-space-between-your-dreams-and
FEELING HOPELESS? DOING THIS COULD HELP YOU
Hope, the Bible tells us, is one of the three most important “..things that endure.” A relentless effort to never give up hope when adversity strikes could be the foundation to survive tough times. Here are a few suggestions to remain hopeful:
Make the commitment to remain hopeful: People who have faced and survived extremely dire circumstances indicate that no situation is truly hopeless. Hopelessness is only reached once we make this conscious decision. The World War Two ground-attack pilot Hans-Ulrich Rudel is known for his famous quotation “Lost are only those who abandon themselves.” The American journalist, editor, politician and diplomat Clare Booth Luce furthermore observed “There are no hopeless situations; there are only men who have grown hopeless about them.”
“The future’s not ours to see”: These words are quoted from the song “Que Sera, Sera” (Whatever will be, will be). Nobody knows what will happen during the next day, hour, minute or even second. Your seemingly hopeless circumstances may change for the better when you least expect it. History is full of examples to support this statement, with one of the finest that of Capt. Eddie Rickenbacker. During World War Two Capt. Rickenbacker was a passenger on a B-17 plane which crashed in the Pacific Ocean, twelve hours away from Honolulu. The eight survivors took to rubber rafts. Their only food supply was in the form of four oranges. Captain Rickenbacker took charge of the situation and kept them all alive through his absolute refusal to abandon hope. The four oranges were divided, a seagull that landed on his head was captured and eaten, fish was caught, and water eventually arrived in the form of rain eight days after the plane crash. They were rescued 22 days later when a patrolling plane found them “almost by chance.” Only one man lost his life.
It is clever to say “never”: The British politician and prime minister Mr. Churchill is famous for amongst others his speech of 29 October 1941 at Harrow School where he implored his audience to “… never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.” Be clever and refuse to surrender to your personal enemy by using the word never. There is always hope for a favourable outcome for as long as you keep on fighting for survival. “It’s not the end until you’ve given up – there’s still hope” – Nick Vujicic.
Take action: One more quote from Mr. Winston Churchill is the wise admonition “If you are going through hell, keep going.” Do not overly dwell on your misfortune except for understanding the reason(s) and finding a way to work towards a brighter tomorrow. Make the best use of your available resources and take the first steps away from the crisis. Use the motivational energy which is released by being hopeful to your practical advantage by taking small steps forward. “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step” – Lao Tzu. Each step forward will lead you away from the past and closer to a possible solution.
Impossible or ‘I’m possible’? “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible” – Audrey Hepburn. Finally, never doubt that any situation, no matter how severe it may seem to be, is beyond salvation. Believe in yourself and the resources which are available to help you survive any tough situation. Remain hopeful, believe in a better tomorrow, never give up, take action, and you may very well be surprised as “Impossible” becomes ‘I’m possible’!
References:
http://biblehub.com/aramaic-plain-english/1_corinthians/13.htm
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hans-Ulrich_Rudel
Hans-Ulrich Rudel. (n.d.). AZQuotes.com. Retrieved March 03, 2017, from AZQuotes.com Web site: http://www.azquotes.com/quote/728670
Clare Boothe Luce. (n.d.). AZQuotes.com. Retrieved March 03, 2017, from AZQuotes.com Web site: http://www.azquotes.com/quote/180253
http://www.nytimes.com/learning/general/onthisday/bday/1008.html
http://www.winstonchurchill.org/resources/quotations
https://adventurousaesthetics.com/tag/nick-vujicic/
http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/6221-if-you-are-going-through-hell-keep-going
Lao Tzu. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved March 3, 2017, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/l/laotzu137141.html
Audrey Hepburn. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved March 3, 2017, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/audreyhepb413479.html
Have you got what it takes to be … a part of the One Percent?
The recent relentless focus on the so-called 1% of the world population who are US Dollar millionaires makes for very interesting reading. The Boston Consulting Group alleges that there are about 18.5 million households with net assets worth at least $1 million. To place this in perspective: The population of the US state of Florida is about 20.6 million. We are furthermore led to believe that the “1%” are in possession of 47% of total global wealth excluding property. Amongst the One Percent are the 62 really, really rich people who own as much as the poorest 50% of the world’s population. To place this in perspective: 62 people have as much wealth as the combined population of China, India, the USA, Indonesia, Brazil, and Pakistan. This is indeed sobering reading.
How did the often-maligned One Percent manage to obtain so much wealth? To argue against them as being successful people (measured by wealth or in their chosen occupation) is a no-brainer. “Got what it takes? Successful people reveal how they got to the top” a book written by the multi-talented American talk show host Mr. Bill Boggs might provide a few of the answers.
During the course of his career Mr. Boggs has interviewed close to 8000 people including Sir Richard Branson, Clive Davis, Maria Bartiromo, Renee Zelwegger, Diane von Furstenberg, now president Donald Trump, Matt Lauer, Joe Torre and other famous personalities. The insights which he gleaned from the life stories of these interviewees provided the material for his book.
The success secrets of Mr. Boggs’ interviewees appear to be pretty ordinary if we do not include the careers of especially the technology entrepreneurs with their unique inventions e.g. Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook fame. Boggs observed that his interviewees displayed no sense of entitlement, believed in hard work, had a strong will to succeed, are self-confident, and confessed to their faith getting them through life’s low-and high points. Many of the interviewees were risk takers and believed that the lessons learned through failure were essential to their future success. They were ready and prepared to take advantage when a seemingly lucky break came their way. Surprisingly to many of us, a unique idea or product is not necessary to be successful. Success can be had by concentrating on the perfect execution of the basics.
In an ideal world everybody would be successful, beautiful, wealthy, highly intelligent, and enjoy life to the fullest but this utopia will probably never materialise. Until that day of perfection arrives, we will just have to be content to learn from the life stories of the One Percent and apply their wisdom. A wise strategy is to provide the best opportunities for the “Ninety Nine Percent”, to decrease their (our?) ranks. My dream is that everybody on earth should have an equal opportunity to join the One Percent – to “Have what it takes”.
Take a look at:
http://www.forbes.com/2007/04/26/business-success-celebrity-lead-careers-cx_tw_0426boggs.html
http://worldpopulationreview.com/states/florida-population/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_population_(United_Nations)
http://www.billboggs.com/bio.htm
https://www.rt.com/business/345876-rich-poor-boston-consulting/
Could friends be worth their weight in medicine?
“No man is an Island, entire of itself…” wrote the English author John Donne in his Devotions (1624). Social interaction is one of the main characteristics of the human race as Mr. Donne observed so astutely almost 400 years ago. Fast forward to the 21st century where vast digital social networks have been built on man’s desire to keep in contact with others. The fact that many of these social networks are actually advertising platforms is a thought to be discussed on another day.
A truly fascinating demonstration of the interaction between the mind and the body manifests itself during social interaction, specifically between friends. A very important role player is the brain chemical endorphin. Endorphins are naturally produced by our bodies and act to suppress pain and also give us feelings of pleasure. Social interactions facilitate the binding of endorphins to opioid receptors in the brain, which cause us to experience pleasure and the “feel-good factor” when we are in the presence of our friends.
The pain-relieving effect of Endorphins have been demonstrated to be stronger than a similar dose of the pain reliever morphine. Researchers at the University of Oxford demonstrated that people with larger social networks also have a significantly higher pain tolerance than those who are socially withdrawn. The doctoral student Katerina Johnson furthermore noted that the levels of endorphins may be depleted in people who suffer from depression, causing depressed people to experience less pleasure and eventually withdraw from social interaction.
The implications for people who are facing tough times in their lives are clear. Maintain an active social life and take care of your friends. Do not withdraw from social interaction even when feeling depressed – this will make matters worse. Your friends might be worth their weight in medicine: You will not only experience much more pleasure from spending time with your friends, but will be able to tolerate pain much more effectively.
For further reading:
http://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2016-04-28-friends-better-morphine http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=55001 https://www.rt.com/news/341544-morphine-natural-painkiller-friends https://allpoetry.com/No-man-is-an-island
Doing this could give you a leg up on anxiety and depression
It is completely normal behaviour to experience bouts of anxiety and depression. Chronic severe depression however necessitates treatment by a health professional and this often includes a combination of medication and psychotherapy. The brains of patients with depression and anxiety usually indicate depleted levels of the two most important neurotransmitters glutamate and GABA. Neurotransmitters are described as chemical messengers which transmit brain impulses along the nervous system. Glutamate plays a major role in the activation of neurons (nerve cells) while GABA inhibits brain activity.
There very well may be a highly effective treatment for depression and anxiety which complements medication and psychotherapy.
Researchers at the University of California (at Davis Medical Center) and Princeton University were recently able to prove during clinical trials that exercise increased the levels of both glutamate and GABA in the brain.
Professor Richard Maddock, a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the University of California , observed that exercise “…activates the metabolic pathway that replenishes these neurotransmitters” (glutamate and GABA). Professor Maddock expressed his encouragement for more doctors and patients to consider exercise as therapy for anxiety and depression.
Researchers at Princeton University discovered that exercise prompts the creation of very excitable new brain cells. The brains of exercisers however also have a significant number of new neurons specifically designed to release the inhibitor of brain activity, the neurotransmitter GABA. The release of GABA has the effect of keeping unnecessary anxiety at bay in the brains of exercisers.
I can wholeheartedly recommend walking as the “perfect exercise” during times of intense anxiety or depression. Many times when I was in no frame of mind to cycle or did not have the motivation to run, I simply walked. I continued walking daily for at least an hour even when I felt well. Walking regularly proved to be an excellent complement to medication to help calm my anxiety and cure me of depression.
References:
https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/03/how-exercise-can-calm-anxiety/
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1468-2850.2006.00021.x/abstract
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurotransmitter
The perfect exercise. Dr. Fred Stutman with Lillian Africano. The Reader’s Digest. Vol. 118 No. 705 January 1981
Sometimes, expect failure and setbacks in order to succeed: A few well-known examples
It is only human to be miserable when failure or a setback is encountered. The emotions of rejection, a bruised ego, loss of self-confidence and often also depression are fairly similar whether the negative experience happened in a personal or business milieu. Many people tend to feel too wounded by the setback to try again and succeed with a different approach.
There are also many people who start out in life with few resources and accept their fate, often due to the wrongful assumption that they will not succeed against the high odds which they have to face.
Many well-known and nowadays successful people have faced failure and or daunting obstacles in order to fulfill their dreams. A cursory study of the lives of a few of these survivors of setbacks and failure provides us with useful insights. This information may be very helpful in our own lives when we face tough times and feel overwhelmed by adversity.
The world adores the products of Apple Inc. which is the largest publicly traded company with a market value of $607,465 million on 31 December 2016. The co-founder of Apple Inc., Mr. Steve Jobs, is however an unlikely candidate for success. Very few people would have bet a cent on the likelihood of him and Steve Wozniak ever succeeding when Apple was founded in 1976. The company lacked any resources, Mr. Jobs was a college dropout, he once lived in a hippie community in Oregon where he cultivated apples, and there was no practical experience of running a business. Apple Inc. however kept growing despite a crisis period in 1985 when Mr. Jobs was unceremoniously ousted during a management disagreement. The explosive growth of Apple happened after Mr. Jobs’ return in 1997 as CEO when most of the company’s most famous products were produced. The life of Mr. Steve Jobs is proof that the most important requirements for success are determination, not succumbing to setbacks, a strong belief in one’s own capabilities, faith (this is explained in my book), and a competitive and well-priced product range.
The undisputed queen of talk shows, Oprah Winfrey, was in 2009 ranked by Forbes magazine as the richest African-American with a personal wealth of almost $3 billion. Oprah Winfrey was born in impoverished circumstances in Mississippi to a teenaged mother. Her family struggled to raise her. She moved to Tennessee during her high school years and entered broadcasting by finding a job in radio. Miss Winfrey flourished and at 19 years was already hosting the evening news. Her career took off when she started to host a daytime talk show in Chicago. Oprah Winfrey nowadays owns a diversified media empire (Including Harpo Productions). She made the best of her opportunities for growth and conquered all the obstacles in her way.
One of the most inspiring life histories is that of Mr. John Paul Dejoria, the co-founder and CEO of the hair-care product manufacturers John Paul Mitchell Systems. There are few obstacles which Mr. Dejoria did not have to face in his life. The thought of giving up never could derail Mr. Dejoria as he survived his parent’s divorce, had to work at age nine to help support his family, and eventually ended up in foster care. He finally graduated high school and joined the U.S. Navy. After his discharge from the Navy with honors Mr. Dejoria ended up homeless and at one time had to collect and sell bottles to stay alive. His life changed for the better in 1980 when he co-founded John Paul Mitchell Systems with hairdresser Paul Mitchell and a loan of $700. The company achieved much success and had annual revenues of $900 million in 2011. He did not stop at hair-care products only and is a partner in a diversified portfolio of successful business interests. There are few better examples of a person who literally started out from scratch and succeeded against all the odds than is the life of Mr. John Paul Dejoria.
Everybody who is facing a tough time can take heart from the lives of Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey and John Paul Dejoria. They are proof that the toughest times can be survived and that success will be found by those who actively pursue it.
References:
http://www.cnbc.com/2011/07/14/CEOs-Who-Went-From-Rags-to-Riches.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_public_corporations_by_market_capitalization
http://richestlifestyle.com/richest-african-americans-of-2015/
Six easy steps to replace recurring negative thoughts with a positive mindset
Hamlet, the Prince of Denmark, observed in Act 2, Scene 2 of the famous play by William Shakespeare “… for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”. Is it possible to reframe those recurring negative thoughts which often race through our minds as if on rail tracks? Proponents of the technique called cognitive reappraisal are confident that they have a proven solution.
Writing in the Wall Street Journal on 13 June 2016 Elizabeth Bernstein quotes research done by experts which explain that thinking the same, negative thoughts eventually develop neural pathways which can be compared to a well-traveled road: The thoughts always follow the same route and arrive at the same destination. At the heart of cognitive reappraisal is the belief that negative thoughts are often based on false assumptions which can be challenged by an objective observation of reality. This is an active process which requires intent and constant practice. The result will however be a much higher quality of life and even improved health.
The six steps as recommended by Ms. Bernstein are: Step one: Be aware that you are wasting time by thinking unproductive negative thoughts. Identify these specific thoughts and their origin. Step two: Look for proof to either substantiate or refute your negative thoughts. Try to form an accurate assessment of yourself and write down a list to help you. Step three: Never-ending practice to challenge time-worn negative thought processes. Aim for repetition, and juxtapose a negative thought with a more positive version for example “I always do dumb things” versus “All people sometimes do dumb things. I am a smart person”. Step four: Talk to an imaginary friend. We usually treat our friends better than we do ourselves. Imagine that you have a close friend who is exactly the same as you are in every way. How would you advise this friend to see him or herself in a more positive light? Act on this advice. Step five: Exaggerate the negative thought and add a light-hearted touch to the equation. This helps to demonstrate that your negative thoughts are probably unfounded. Do you think that you are ugly? You can imagine yourself on national TV being paid millions to pose as a scarecrow. Step six: Change lanes. No one’s mind can concentrate on two thoughts simultaneously. Immediately turn your thoughts to another topic when you become aware of a negative thought.
It is often said that the harshest critic is to be found staring back at you from a mirror. A serious personal setback for example a failed relationship, ruinous financial decision or becoming unemployed often create a barrage of negative thoughts. Persistent negative thoughts are difficult to eradicate and may eventually lead to severe depression and a much reduced quality of life. Hamlet, the Prince of Denmark, correctly identified the importance of our thoughts in shaping our perception of reality. The six steps as mentioned by Ms. Bernstein may be very helpful to reinvent yourself (refer to my earlier blog post) and drastically improve the quality of your life.
Ramsay Joynt, the illustrator of my book, has this view of the person who is your own most severe critic and indeed your own worst enemy:
References: https://www.wsj.com/articles/steps-to-turn-off-the-nagging-self-doubt-in-your-head-1465838679
http://nfs.sparknotes.com/hamlet/page_106.html
Survive Tough Times 